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Minors and sex

02 Jan

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/20/adam-johnson-no-grey-area-over-child-abuse

I read this Observer column of Victoria Coren-Mitchell and couldn’t agree more. I do not know Adam Johnson, nor am I familiar with this particular case, I am, however, with a different one. Steven van de V., a Dutch Volleyballplayer. Who is about to get a sentence of four years for rape. The man is now 21, was 19 when he attended the UK and had contact over Facebook and other social media channels with a girl of 12 years.
12 years. I don’t know how exactly the contacts unfolded, I only know that they have had sex at least three times. Three times, when you’re 12. If you agree to that or not at that age, that’s just wrong. For this Steven van de V. to think this is totally OK. I also do wonder how mature a girls’ body even is at that age?! I think this case reaks of paedophilia. It is not normal to be lured into sexual activity being a 19-year-old when the ‘offered’ other party is 12.
And yes, he knew her age.

As Victoria Coren-Mitchell states: why does this upset me so much?

I think it’s simply because society doesn’t seem to care. Rape is not to be taken seriously. Rape isn’t an issue for many men. For them it’s a question to whetether the contact was voluntarily or not. That factor seems to be far more of a discussion than anything else.
To me, this isn’t important. For lots of people, it seems to be. Because then it’s less bad.

Surprise, surprise, people: we have laws for that. Fact is: having sex with a minor is illegal.
Adam Johnson seems to claim he was pretty much lured into it. A weak excuse. Especially because lured or not, it seems to me he knew exactly what he was doing. He could have said: ‘no, I don’t want this to happen, I get in trouble’. To himself, if anything. He should have stepped out the situation, as that is what adults are supposed to do.

If I think back on how I acted when I had that tender age of 12 years, I feel a lot of shame. Thankfully, the only places where this shame hits me, is when I read my own diaries.
These men should know better. Especially in this age and era. Pushing the law aside for your ego and orgasm is a lot more damaging nowadays than it ever was before. These stories will never be hidden. Every new partner of these girls will be able to read their stories. And they themselves are never considered harm free. Ever.

And I do think sporters have a larger responsibility when it comes to these offerings. Being that much in the public eye, they must be aware of all the temptations around. Are they not aware that girls like this may believe they are out and about with their dreamprince? I don’t think so. These sports men are fully aware of their status and they use it.

I do happen to live in a country where one (chanceless) political party tried, not too long ago, to lower the age where kids are technically adults. Here that is set to 18. They wanted it lowered, as they are paedophiles and deeply wish for their love to be legal.
But no, sorry. The best interests of the child should always be first.
So ‘only a few months until I am of legal age’, is a weak excuse too, but it’s always worse to take advantage of the girl in question. It’s as if she’s on a bike, the man is in the car and she tells him: you can drive as fast as you can, I’ll just be here on my bike and nothing will happen. You know that’s not true. You know she will crash. Wait until she’s with a car. Then you drive safely.

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4 Comments

Posted by on January 2, 2017 in Opinion

 

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4 responses to “Minors and sex

  1. Rob

    January 26, 2017 at 7:27 am

    You seem to have missed the word ‘statutory’ in rape. It is not rape in the traditional sense, i.e. that it is against the will of the younger person. No, it is merely defined as rape by lawmakers. In the case of a 19 year old, I find it pretty clear that it is wrong for him to have sex with a 12 year old. The reason that it is defined as rape (which I find insane) is because she is underage. But the law in Holland is much more subtle than that. In a country like the US, boys of 14 can be arrested and imprisoned for having sex with a 13 year old – and this stuff actually happens. But not in Holland.
    As I mentioned before, your article misses that subtlety.

    Incidentally, a male friend of mine was 14 or 15 years old when he was having sex with his appr.
    30 year old neighbor who was married and the mother of 2 kids as well. They had had sex for a few months before they were found out. To solve the case, it was decided that my friend had to move away and so at the age of 15 he had to start living by himself. He had always been an straight A student at ‘gymnasium’, the best school in Holland. But he became a drop-out at 16 and it basically ruined his life forever. I met him for the first time when he was 19 and he stayed at my house for a few months (I did not live in Holland). After that he met a woman (a few years older than he) and was able to lead a reasonably normal life in a foreign country. But as a result of being a drop-out, he never got a good job and she was always the one who made more money. They live outside the city, in a rural area because that’s the only place they can afford. He has not had contact with his family since he moved out of Holland when he when 19 years old.

    In the US, in order to avoid being charged with statutory rape, the couple often marries, especially when there is a pregnancy. This is done for social reasons, but it invites all kinds of problems, e.g.
    https://books.google.nl/books?id=ZTdGAAAAQBAJ&pg=PA134&lpg=PA134&dq=statutory+rape+married+couples+american+politician&source=bl&ots=jzk0bsB7Qz&sig=pqptkxxyDK085NL5gJ8zO6MF-E0&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiphbGtot_RAhUBtxoKHVOgBBMQ6AEIRDAH#v=onepage&q=statutory%20rape%20married%20couples%20american%20politician&f=false

    Anyway, your articles tend to convey a strong opinion, boom! But they seem to lack in the subtlety that comes from viewing a problem in a holistic way.

     
    • MaLadeVr

      January 26, 2017 at 6:38 pm

      Though I get your point and sympathise with those who become a victim of the abuse of power brought be law, I still think that though ‘rape’ might be a bridge too far in those cases, it’s still in the best interest of the minor to forbid it nontheless. As I said: I do get your point. But I think the law in this case is meant to prevent the youngster from making a decision they might regret later on. With such a huge agegap, sex is a thing that’s far more likely to be important for the elder party, and it’s far more likely the minor feels obliged in one way or another to cave for such pressure.
      It shouldn’t be because the examples you provide, that the entire ‘rape’ article gets changed. It simply means seperate cases really need seperate views to know if they’re actually justified. Because it can take ages before the minor party realises this wasn’t what s/he wanted to happen. The main reason why people, who used to be minors when rape and assault took place, don’t file for rape or sexual assault for sometimes years, is because of shame. Their first impression might have been that it was ‘OK’, or ‘exactly as they wished’, but if you start having nightmares and actually can’t cope with what happened, that perspective changes.
      It’s tricky business, I grant you that, given that there’s also statutory rape, but still: I do believe the best interests of the (minor) child is taken at hand here by making that law.

       
  2. Rob

    January 25, 2017 at 5:06 pm

    Buit that’s just nonsense. It’s very common for 15 year old girls to have sex with a 16 year old boy. What’s the harm in that? As long as she doesn’t get pregnant or they don’t spread STDs, it should not be a problem.
    Categorically denying girls and boys to have sex below the ‘age of consent’ of 18, seems a bit radical. That is why the law in Holland reflects on this by taking into account the age difference between the two partners.
    On top of that, there are plenty of older women who have sex with underaged boys. So your article seems to me to be too one-sided and slightly sexist.

     
    • MaLadeVr

      January 25, 2017 at 6:03 pm

      You seem to have missed the word ‘rape’. The girl in question was 12, the guy 21. Are you really gonna compare a normal teenage relationship with one that wasn’t equal to start with? And then go beyond and call me a sexist because I point out two cases where this has been done by men? But OK: Mary Kay Letourneau. She was sentenced to jail and rightly so. Having sex with children in the tender age of their development = rape. Children that age should be experimenting with other children of that same age and development.

       

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