Huisvergadering
‘Jongens, we móeten echt een huisvergadering houden’, sprak Karel. Al geruime tijd had hij last van de geluidsoverlast van Leon, de mooiboy in het huis. Leon liet zijn computer met muziek graag snoeihard aanstaan. Ook als hij niet thuis was. En in tegenstelling tot Jenna, Pien en Hannah, die hun deur ook weleens níet op slot deden als ze er niet waren, sloot Leon altijd af. Ook als hij nachtdienst had. Voor die arme Karel geen pretje, aangezien hij naast Leon’s kamer zat.
‘Ja, en we moeten Fanny zover krijgen dat ze dat klotekonijn van d’r alleen in d’r éigen kamer los laat lopen, want ik ben nu zaagsel en konijnenkeutels die van háár zijn aan het opruimen in míjn huisdienst!’ mopperde Bernard chagrijnig. Hij had al verschillende aanvaringen gehad met Fanny. Als die een boze blik op je wierp, voelde je je spontaan krimpen. Van watermeloen naar sesamzaadje. Fanny liet zich door niemand iets vertellen. Ondertussen was ook Jenna de keuken in komen lopen.
‘Kan dan ook het feit dat Oxana en haar vriendinnetje zo luidruchtig zijn, op de agenda?’ vroeg ze.
‘Prima, doen we die allemaal wel onder de noemer ‘geluidsoverlast’, besloot Theo, die al aan tafel zat met een lijst voor mogelijke vergaderonderwerpen.
Dat werd nog leuk, dacht Josephine.
Omdat zoiets als ‘een vergadering organiseren’ nogal wat voeten in de aarde had met vijftien huisgenoten, duurde het nog even voor de daadwerkelijke vergadering plaats zou vinden. De agenda was sneller gemaakt. Voor Jenna een lijdensweg tot het verlossende moment. Maar toen gebeurde er voortijdig wat.
Josephine liep Oxana’s vriendinnetje tegen het lijf. In de keuken. Josephine had geen idee hoe ze heette, maar haar gezicht was wel degelijk bekend.
‘Oh, hoi!’ groette ze haar, want een onaardig meisje was het niet.
‘Hey, hoe is het?’ vroeg de Vriendin vriendelijk, aan het klieren met ovenbroodjes, maar voornamelijk de verpakking. Dat krijg je in een slecht georganiseerde keuken. Daar liggen geen scharen in om die verpakking open te knippen. Josephine bood haar uiterst botte, maar verder effectieve zakmes aan.
‘Ah, dank je!’
‘Graag gedaan. Ben jij er ook toevallig, volgende week?’ vroeg ze vagelijk. Zelfs Josephine vroeg zich af waarom. Wat had Oxana’s vriendin met die huisvergadering, waar ze op doelde, te maken?
‘Ehh ja, dat zou kunnen, weet ik nog niet, hoezo?’
‘Nou, we hebben een huisvergadering volgende week’, zei Josephine afwezig, op zoek naar een schoon kopje.
‘Ah, doen jullie dat vaak?’
‘Nee, dat niet. Af en toe, als het nodig is. We hebben wat geluidsoverlast’, flapte Josephine er toen ineens uit, terwijl ze een kopje uit een afwasteil hengelde en het afspoelde.
‘Oh? Ik dacht dat de muren hier zo goed geïsoleerd waren?’ sprak de vriendin verbaasd. Ze had de broodjes inmiddels op het rooster van de oven gekregen, die omwikkeld was met alumininium folie wat zwart zag van alle andere zaken die daar al op verbrand waren.
‘Ja, de muren wel, maar via de ruimtes boven de deuren en het stopcontact komt er nog aardig wat door’, legde Josephine uit, spelend met het kopje.
Dit was niet waarom ze dit gesprek begonnen was. Ze wilde dit gesprek ook niet voeren. En toch was dat precies wat ze deed. Welkom, spontaniteit en flapuiterigheid. Shiiiiiiit!
‘Heeft iemand dan te hard staande muziek? Ik heb het nooit gehoord?’ merkte de vriendin verbaasd op, schoof de broodjes in de oven, nadat ze ze voorzichtig wat natter had gemaakt.
Yep. Ze moest het gaan zeggen. Dit was hét moment. Ze wilde het nog steeds niet. Dat dóe je niet. Niet bij de wildvreemde. Bij je eigen huisgenoot, MISSCHIEN, maar niet met degene die je het minst kent van de twee, wel?!
‘Nee, geen muziek….’ zei Josephine, licht grijnzend. De vragende blik terug nodigde téveel uit tot concreet antwoord.
‘De Daad’ , zei ze dus maar.
‘Oh?’ de vriendin keek Josephine even heel vragend aan, nieuwsgierig naar wie dat koppel dan wel was?
Josephine wilde het eigenlijk niet zeggen, maar de stilte die al was gevallen werd langer, en langer, en nog langer, en de grijns op haar mond sprak, zeker in combinatie met het langdurig aankijken van de Vriendin. Ineens lazerde het spreekwoordelijke kwartje als een baksteen naar beneden.
De Vriendin kreeg een kleur als vuur.
‘Oh! Daar hoeven jullie geen huisvergadering over te houden, hoor!’ sprak ze vlot, en maakte zich uit de voeten.
Sindsdien was het stil in de kamer van Oxana. Het vriendinnetje kwam langs, maar Jenna kon weer slapen.
‘Guys, we really need a house meeting!’ Charley said. He had been bothered by the noise Leon made for quite a while now. Leon, the pretty boy of the house, who always left his computer on while he was out, playing songs at incredibly loud levels. And unlike some others, Leon actually locked his door when he went out. As an intern in the hospital. Serving night shifts. Charley being his direct roommate, he had to endure quite a lot, poor sod.
‘Yes, and we need to convince Fanny to let that blasted rabbit of hers only hop around in her own room. At this rate I’m cleaning up after that little shite!’ Bernie said, frustrated. Nearly no-one could truly get on with Fanny, but Bernie and Fanny seemed an especially bad combo. As soon as Bernie opened his mouth, Fanny’s face went dark. That was the effect she had on most people, in honesty. Fanny gave the orders. If you had something against anything you said, you better take the floor well prepared, since Fanny was up for it.
‘Alright, so can Oxana and her friend be added to the list too, then?’ Jenna, who had just stepped into the kitchen and had quite understood what the subject was all about.
‘Sure, I think I’ll just put it on the list as ‘Too Loud Noises’ or something’, Theo said, seated at the kitchen table, as he was making an agenda for the meeting.
‘Well, this is gonna be fun’, Josephine thought to herself.
Because they had no less than fifteen roommates, the meeting couldn’t be held immediately. It would take at least another week and a half before it was actually scheduled. So Jenna had to endure quite a bit more. Still, it wouldn’t take until the meeting, because something occurred.
Josephine ran into Oxana’s lover.
Josephine had no idea what her name was, but her face was, by now, quite familiair.
‘Oh, hi!’ Josephine greeted the girl cheery, as the girl wasn’t a nasty one.
‘Hey, how are you?’ responded the Girlfriend, occupied opening a package of oven rolls that wouldn’t open, as the kitchen wasn’t fully equipped and therefore missed out on things like scissors. Josephine offered her blunt pocket knife, which was received gratefully.
‘Ah, thanks!’
‘You’re welcome. Are you here, by any chance, next week?’ Josephine suddenly asked. She had no idea why. Why would this girl have anything to do with their house meeting?
“Errr I’m not sure yet, why?’
‘Well, we’re having a house meeting’, Josephine answered, in search of a clean cup. A hard find in this kitchen.
‘Ah, you do that often?’
‘Not really, just when it’s necessary, I suppose. We’re having trouble with noise disturbance’, she suddenly said, when she’d found a cup.
“Oh? I thought the walls were so well isolated here?’ the girlfriend said, surprised, having spread the rolls on a tray with the dirtiest tin foil ever, after sprinkling them with a bit of water.
‘Yes, it’s quite well isolated, but through the compartments above the doors and through the electrical sockets, sounds still come through’ Josephine explained. She actually didn’t want to say it. She hadn’t planned on doing that. And yet, there she was. Having this conversation. Welcome to spontanity and not being able to keep your mouth shut. Shiiiiiiiiit!
‘Is anybody playing loud music? I’ve never heard it?’ the girlfriend mentioned, surprised. She was about to shove the bread rolls in the oven. Yup. This was the moment Josephine wasn’t waiting for. She had to tell. She didn’t want to. I mean, aren’t you supposed to mention this kind of stuff to the one you actually live with? In other words, Oxana herself?
‘No, it’s not music that’s bothering’, Josephine grinned. Because that’s what the subject itself did to her. It made her an instant prude. Josephine didn’t like to talk about sex to someone she didn’t know. But the questionmark hanging so obviously above the girlfriend’s head, did require an answer.
‘The Deed’, answered Josephine, in lack of a better word.
‘Oh?’ the girlfriend was all ears now, kept staring at Josephine, in hopes of getting to know who was that noisy couple. There was no way back. No way at all. Josephine was still looking for words, when she suddenly realised that the silence she’d dropped, had taken too long. She HAD to say something, right? She looked with an uneasy smile at the curious girlfriend, and suddenly noticed the quarter dropped down like a brick from the Berlin wall after a sledge hammer got to it.
The girlfriend’s face was suddenly on fire.
‘Oh! You don’t need to have a meeting about that!’ and off she went, out of the kitchen.
Ever since, it went quiet in Oxana’s room. And thankfully, Jenna could go back to sleep again.
RIUNIONE DI CASA
‘Gente, dobbiamo bisogno davvero un riunione di casa!’ ha detto Carlo. Ne era stato infastidito per qualche tempo a Léon, la casanova della casa. Léon amava la sua musica molto rumorosa, anche quando non era neppure nella casa. E diversamente da Hannah, Pina e Gina, Léon sempre chiuso la sua camera con chiave. Anche se avesse il turno di notte. Povero Carlo, che viveva accanto a Léon.
‘Sì, e qualcuno per favore dire a Fanny che lei lasciare il suo coniglio solo da sola nella stessa camera. Ora io lavo escrementi di questo cazzo coniglio e l’animale non è mio!’ Bernardo gridò frustato. Lui ha avuti collisioni diversi con Fanny, perché lei non ascoltava nessuno. Uno sguardo da lei e si ritrasse. Dall’anguria al seme di sesamo. A questo momento, anche Gina entrata la cucina comune, e ha ascoltava il sogetto.
‘Per favore, anche aggiunge il sesso tra Oxana e la sua fidanzata!’ lei chiamava.
‘Accordo’, Theo ha detto, l’ha scritto sul foglio di carta, ‘semplice scrivo “rumorosa”, OK?’
Era accordo.
‘Sarà divertente’ Giuseppina ha pensata sarcastico.
Com’è normale in una casa di 15 residenti, al meno una settimana passata prima era un occasione di avere un riunione di casa. E qualcosa diversa succede.
Giuseppina ha incontrata la fidanzata di Oxana, nella cucina comune. Giuseppina non ha avuta una idea quale era il suo nome, ma la sua faccia, sì, lei ha vista.
‘Oh, ciao!’ ha dice alla Fidanzata, perché non era una ragazza male.
‘Ciao, come stai?’ la Fidanzata chiesta, stava scompigliando con un paio di pane per il forno. Difficile senza un coltello adeguato. Nella questa cucina in particolare prevalse l’anarchia. Il che significava: niente forbici. Giuseppina offerta il suo coltellino svizzero smussato.
‘Ah, grazie!’ la Fidanzata rispose.
‘Sei qui la prossima settimana?’ Giuseppina chiesta. Non sapeva nemmeno perché. Era un riunione di casa, questa Fidanzata non era la sua coinquilina. Perché era importante che la Fidanzata era qua o no?
‘Ehhhh non lo so ancora, perche?’
‘Ci abbiamo un riunione di rumorosi nella casa’, Giuseppina spiegava, alla ricerca di una tazza. Un ritrovamento in questa cucina.
‘Ah? Si fa spesso, incontri?’ lei chiesta.
‘No, non veramente. Quando è necessario. Ci sono alcuni chi soffrono di disturbo acustico’, ha detto all’improvviso. Lei finalmente ha trovava una tazza.
‘Oh? Pensavo che le pareti fossero così ben isolate qui?’ la Fidanzata rispose sorpreso, aveva steso i rotoli sul foglio di alluminio più sporco di sempre.
‘Sì, le pareti e tetti sono, ma non le prese elettriche oppure i vani portaoggetti sopra le porte’, Giuseppina spiegò. Effettivamente non voleva dire. Lei non ha avuta un piano per fare questo. Eppure quello stava per accadere. Avendo questa conversazione. Lei. Perché lei era così spontanea, grazie! Cazzzooooooooo!
‘È qualcuno che suona musica ad alto volume? Non ho mai sentito?’ la Fidanzata era sorpresa. Stava per mettere i panini nel forno. Sì. Il momento era lì. Giuseppina sapeva. Il momento lei non voleva essere da parte. Giuseppina sentiva che doveva dirlo. Ma questa era la Fidanzata, non la sua compagna di stanza! Lei davvero non voleva dire. Però la sua faccia era un grosso punto interrogativo.
‘L’Atto’, Giuseppina rispose, a causa di un improvviso attacco di prudenza.
‘Oh?’ il punto interrogativo diventata più grande, non meno. Lei davvero voleva sappere chi erano la coppia così rumorosa? Capì che non c’era modo di tornare indietro. Era il proprio momento. Giuseppina lei non aveva ancora detto nulla, quando si rese conto che il silenzio aveva impiegato troppo tempo. Giuseppina sorrise, guardò alla Fidanzata negli occhi, pronta per dire, alla ricerca di parole, quando il penny è caduto con la Fidanzata. Come un mattone.
La faccia di Fidanzata divenne rossa come il fuoco.
‘Oh, Dio! Non è necessario per avere un riunione di questo!’ lei rispose, e quasi corsa fuori dalla cucina.
Dopo, era sempre tranquilla nella stanza di Oxana, e Gina riuscì a dormire di nuovo…
(dit is onderdeel van de bundel ‘Het Studentenhuis’)è corsa fuori dalla cucina
